This one is just because…
Just because… when I call to others they don’t answer.
Because… I am afraid.
Sometimes it feels as though I have no control over my body.
I can’t stop my heart rate from rising and it feels like I’m going to die.
I’m not afraid of death.
Dying would be much easier than this.
This feeling, brings me back to much darker times. Back when I’d cry out to god in the middle of the streets.
I hope god forgives me…
Forgive me for only calling out to you when I am fear.
I haven’t treated my body very well and it shows.
I forget things often, confusing dreams with reality.
Sometimes, I think I’m going crazy.
And who wants a crazy person for a mother.
What will happen to my daughter if I’m gone?
I’m so lost.
And tonight I cry out to god once again…
“Please help me.”
“Amen.”
