It was never your fault.
Men can’t help their wandering eye. Sometimes I wonder if they even recognize it as a curse …
I don’t want to be like the girls you notice.
In fact, I don’t want to be noticed at all.
I want you to go… far from me.
I need to be alone with myself.
I want to be able to look at me and love me.
The way I never have.
Something is always wrong.
Never fully satisfied.
It’s never your fault.
How could you’ve ever set your sights on me…
I fail to do so as well, I always have.
“Why can’t you just take me as I am?”
“Why won’t you except me?”
“I’ve tried all of these things… but it’s never good enough for you.”
“I keep you alive, I keep you fed. I bare your child and it’s still not enough for you to love me.”
– You’re so ungrateful. I go to bed hating myself even more.
Instead of apologizing.
Instead of admitting I am wrong.
“I do love you.”
And I am so sorry… that “I” put you through more pain than he will ever do.